and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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