All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize