Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize