She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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