My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize