3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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