I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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