we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize