I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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