Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize