Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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