I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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