Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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