she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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