I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize