normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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