I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wear drunk well.
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