he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
third nipple confirmed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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