I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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