I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
soo... how was my night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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