i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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