I wannas sexs uuuuu
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
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Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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