I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize