How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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