Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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