and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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