she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize