covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize