dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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