This is not my ceiling
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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