you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize