Swine flu. Run for my life!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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