Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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