new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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