her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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