no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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