i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
