Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
