When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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should my penis look like a turkey
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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