And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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