Pregnant stripper...not hot.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
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I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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