He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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