theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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