winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I want a musical about memes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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