The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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