Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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