Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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