just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize