you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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