My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize