smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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