I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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