Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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