u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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